March 19, 2024
Boy can she cook
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies standing there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, "Yes, I am." The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife.
The guy says, "Sure, I guess," and gets a photo to show them. The deputy examines the photo, turns and has a whispered conversation with his partner, then turns back to the man.
"I'm very sorry, sir," he says, "but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy replies, "I know, but she is such a good cook I can't get myself to leave her."
"A new poll found that 10 percent of people post vacation photos on social media to make others jealous, and 100 percent of people click on them to see co-workers in a bathing suit." -Seth Meyers
Product developer: "Boss, we really need to stop testing our products on animals."
Boss: "Why? Shampoo companies do it. Cosmetics companies do it."
Product developer: "Yeah, but we make sex toys."
A guy walks through the office to get some water and made a few poor attempts at clean humor with the girls in the office who are under 30.
When he got to the side that has mostly 45 and older women he made raunchy, sexist, offensive, non-politically correct comments.
One of the older women said, "We've noticed that on that side of the room you're all clean and nice and gentlemanly. But over here you don't pretend. You are the pig that we know you are. What gives?"
"Well," said the pig, "over there they are in the "Me Too" movement and I'm one bad joke away from having my picture on the news. Over here," and he gestured to all of them, "you are in the "Why Not Me" movement so I'm safe."